Life Of An Average QUEER

Revisiting the Pain...

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 04:00:00 +0000

It's been like two years since I had my first tattoo session. Yes, it was on my left ankle and it's kinda thick. That experience was something. And I didn't realize that I will be revisiting that same experience again. I can really feel the needle finding their ways to touch my bone on my ankle. I forgot that the area I chose to have an ink was a freaking bone. Not a muscle. But there was no turning back. Outlines were made. So just finish it and swallow the pain. But I am not a masochist okay? :-)

After my first session, I had another session with the tattoo artist to apply the second coating or something or to what they call retouch. I thought I am done with it. But after a few months, the look of it is not that good. The shadings are not even. And it took me a while to decide if I will have it fixed... again. So, technically, yesterday was like my third session. And that's equivalent to three tattoo sessions. But it's worth it. The feeling of fulfillment is there knowing that you did surpass the agonizing pain. If others can do it, then I can do it better. But to let you know guys, it doesn't end there. I am planning to add more. But I won't tell you where and how will it look like. I will just post something here. Maybe next week, next month, we don't know. It all depends on how I think.

Sooner or later, you'll start to miss the pain. You will look for it. Do the same thing. And realize later that you're somewhat addicted to it. For me that is not masochism. It's only the feeling of fulfillment as what I have mentioned earlier. I guess that's what they call THE KING OF PAIN? And yes, for me it's therapeutic. Stress Reliever. Right after each sessions I feel better. Like a new person. Weird right? Oh well I know I am not the only one with the same feelings toward the experience of inking ones self.

Hmmmm... some Tibetan Scripture at the back will look great right? We will soon know!

Just a thought...

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 06:44:00 +0000

It's been like ages since I have posted something in this blog. It's kinda weird. And while reading at my old posts, I end up asking myself if I was the one who created that entry. I ended up asking questions to myself. What happened at that time? What prompted me to write such entry? Was I devastated and in pain? Or was I happy and bursting with positive aura? Who cares! I am still amazed by those entries. It was like reading somebody else's blog. And now, while creating this post... my current mood and feeling is HOPEFUL. Yes, I am hoping...

I have been thinking a lot of things these past few days. How am I doing? What's the status of my life right now both with work and personal? I guess with work everything is cool. Everything is in its place and there's no need to re-arrange anything. But what about my personal life? I need to re-model everything. I need to re-arrange, add, and throw some parts of it. There are things that I need and there are things that I no longer need. So, I created a list on what are the things that needs re-arranging, that needs to be garbaged, and those that I need to be added.

In: Out:

1. A stable partner. 1. Random dates.

2. A place of my own. 2. Excessive alcohol bingeing.

3. More quality time with myself. 3. Partying/Clubbing.

4. More quality time with my family. 4. Excuses with family.

5. Healthy lifestyle. 5. Sedentary lifestyle.

6. Open a savings account. 6. Unnecessary spending.

7. True and real friends. 7. Seasonal friends.

8. New environment.

For now, it's what I could think of. I may not be successful in following the list but at least I was able to assess my life for now. What prompted me to have this? I guess I can say that over the weekend, I have learned and realized some things. Questions popped out. A lot of them. And I know I have answers to those questions. But then, am I ready for it? Am I ready to leave the comfort zone I am in right now? Or is it the perfect time to venture out and start a new life.

Well... I don't know.

Just a thought...

Cupcakes Made From Heaven...

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 21:46:00 +0000

THE CUPCAKE THEORY GOURMET CUPCAKES

SULTRY, SEXY RED

Want to customize your cupcakes for this Holiday Season or any Seasons for that matter? Well, here is your answer. The Cupcake Theory Gourmet Cupcakes can let you customize your orders from Blueberry, Strawberry, Chocolate and the list goes on. You can even ask them to customize the frosting, if you want it too Butter-y or with lite Butter... More with the cream or not? It's your choice and you can always inform the owner when you order from them.

A week prior to their launching, a friend who owns this shop gave us sample cupcakes at work. And boy... it's sooo rich. You can really taste the butter and the cheese and the cream and everything. Aside from the fact that the cupcake is beautiful like the owner (ahem, discount huh?), the taste won't let you down. It got standard.

The one above is one of their cupcakes. It's called SULTRY, SEXY RED - classic southern taste of red velvet cupcakes with Philadelphia cream cheese frosting. And that's the one I've tried. YUM! It's soo sinful you'd forget SEX. And I'm not exaggerating here guys. Try it and you'll know what I'm talking about.

For Orders, please contact this number : (032) 4187154 / 09267141925. Minimum of 1 Dozen per order. Standard Size of the cupcake is 4 oz. Not bad. So, if you will order, please do tell them that you saw the cupcakes from my blog. Yeap! And you will be thanking me for that.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

BEWARE: Don't drink Emperador and Bailey's at the same time...

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 02:09:00 +0000

This has been a long overdue post... Trying to contemplate if I should let the people know how drunk I was at that time. Oh well, it's given. Almost everyone knows I drink like there's no tomorrow. Oh yeah, if you want proof, then drink with me and you will know what I'm talking about.

This was like a week right after my Bora trip. I think so... We went to our friend's place and we brought like three (3) long necks of Emperador Brandy. The session was smooth and fun. One bottle down... Still functioning normally. Second bottle down... Still warming up. Third bottle down... Kinda tipsy I guess. Then, Devy, a good friend of mine took one bottle of Bailey's (Choco Mint) and put it on the table for consumption of course. Put some in my glass... and the next thing I know... I'm at home already. Everything after that was blackhole. I can't even remember a thing.

The next day... they told me what really happened. BTW, at first I don't believe that people could get memory lapses when they are drunk. I thought they were just making up stories to cover and protect themselves from shame. But it's true. That was the first time it happened to me. According to them, I drank the Bailey's by myself after Angel got her single shot from it. And I went to the restroom, and when I stepped out from it, I was only wearing my boxer briefs and shirt. The girls were like screaming and they helped me put on my pants. They said I was like walking with no reaction. I call that AUTO-PILOT MODE actually.

They brought me home after that and I walked the other direction. There's even a need for them to drag me, literally, and I kept on saynig that I'm just fine when in fact, I almost fell like a number of times. Geez... And the next thing I know, I'm on my bed, having the worst head ache.

Having said that... and remembering that incident from time to time... It leaves a smile on my face. That was really fun I must say. And good thing I have my boxer briefs on. What more if I don't have any at all. What a ruckus! It will top all of my embarassing moments in life.

And right after that day, I swore to not drink anymore. And guess what... as I was creating this post, my head hurts actually from last night. Yes, I was drunk... again... But no embarassing moments this time. Last night's concoction was Emperador Brandy and Red Horse. Love it!

Until the next drinking session guys... Oh yeah... That will be tonight!

*hik*

Shifting Gear...

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 23:21:00 +0000

Lately... I have been wondering how does it feel to have a female partner. Does it feel the same way as having a male partner? Oh geez... I just can't fathom the idea still.

It's just that my current partner opened the idea on how would I feel if he will get married and have kids in the future. And that I will still be his partner at the same time. Of course my initial reaction would be to say NO. Definitely. But considering maturity, I guess he made sense in a way. IMO, I am not ready with that kind of set up. Good thing it was only an idea. And I hope he won't even push thru with it.

Which made me wonder... how about if I will do the same thing? Even when I'm intoxicated... still I don't think I can do it. It was only in high school wherein I kissed a girl (enter song "i kissed a girl and i like it"). And it was something I have never played in my head over and over again. The thought leaves a smile on my face. Kinda laughing at myself at the same time. Why? What made me decide to do that before? Peer pressure I guess. But now, nobody can pressure me. I have embraced the life in the other side of the court.

Oh cut the crap. It will never happen... AGAIN! Ahehehehe....

Only Belo can send you to jail...

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 09:20:00 +0000

A little birdie told me that one of our previous employees (I think he was terminated) was detained for at least a day because of Belo.

Now, before you react to this one... let me tell you the whole story.

It's all because of the Belo Facial Scrub. This person attempted to perform a perfect shop lifting stunt but was caught by the guards at Rustan's Grocery Store. Can you imagine that? Who on earth would do such a thing. Belo Facial Scrub? Is it really that good that can drive someone to do such an act? Funny but true.

When this person was asked the reason why he did it, he just stood there and said nothing. Until the security group decided to send him to the police station and asked him to pay the price of that freaking facial scrub which is twenty times higher that it's original price. Now, I don't know the cost of that thing but if you have an idea, then you can figure out how much did he pay so that he can be released from the police station. Yes, you got it right. It's a "he". But I'm thinking an "it". Oh who cares. The point here is that you shoplifted. Dumb ass!

Crazee crazee crazee. Good thing you were no longer connected with us when you committed such act. Now, if you're reason is "for fun"... I will definitely spit on your face. But I don't think I can do it. I am too nice to do that to someone in dire need to fix his face.

As what they say, It's hard to face your problem if your problem is your face. Right? Right!

Tanduay or Emperador?

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 00:05:00 +0000

I have been drinking Tanduay when I was still in High School. Yes, I know I did and with my mom's consent of course. I usually ask permission from her that I will be going home late from school since we will be having a drinking session with my classmates. I was trained early I guess. Same with smoking. And Tanduay has been the cheapest that we can get. We sometimes call it "kiddie meal 1=lapad and marlboro, kiddie meal 2=long neck, marlboro, kiddie meal 3=long neck, pulutan, marlboro..." and the list goes on.

My mom allowed me thinking that if I will start drinking early, I'll get tired of it at an early stage as well. I guess she's wrong with that. Right? ;-)

And that was the time wherein we can only try red horse on special occassions. Good thing I've outgrown Tanduay. I even swore not to drink Tanduay anymore. Just the smell of it can make me puke in less than a minute.

But last Thursday, I've paid homage to Tanduay. Me and Angel (a new friend) drank 2 lapads of Tanduay. Just the two of us in C24. It was a boring night and there's no Emperador, so we settled with the next one closer to it. We thought we wouldn't like it but instead, we enjoyed drinking it up to the last drop. Hahahaha...

And on the next day, we had 2 long necks of Emperador. Where? My new drinking place. In Horseshoe Drive, Banawa. Just near my place actually. I just love that place. The whole family welcomes me especially to drink. Or if you're too drunk to go home, you can always crash at their place. Thanks to Tisay and Angel and the rest of the group. Hehehehe... I know I have stopped drinking for the longest time but things are back just like the good old days. Oh well, once an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic. No matter how hard he tried.

And the funny thing there is that you always swear the next day you woke up with the worst hang over not to drink again. But lo and behold... if someone will text you for a drinking session, automatically you don't know how to say no. You just drag your ass there literally and go back to the same cycle. Oh well... don't you just love it?

What about you? which of the two do you prefer? Tanduay or Emperador? *hik*

20 Post Break-up Things

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 20:11:00 +0000

I can say 100%, basing from observable behaviors that these facts are true if you just had a break-up with your partner...

1. All of the songs that you've listened are all related to you.

2. Even RnB and House musics; still you can relate them to you.

3. You alcohol binge all the time trying to ignore the whole fact that you're single again.

4. You pretend like you're happy and you're not affected (let's face it, this is part of the whole exercise).

5. You update your friendster, multiply, blogspot and other network related tools for your personal gain.

6. You started watching movies alone. (Which I miss so badly).

7. You suddenly get in touch with old friends who's there with or without a partner.

8. You realize and thank those people who's still there even if you haven't seen them for like six months. (You know who your are guys... love you all).

9. All of a sudden there's an urge for you to change your hairstyle (case in point, hair color).

10. You go back to shopping and more shopping.

11. You're back in the social circuit. Clubbing, clubbing and clubbing.

12. Your phone batteries will last for like three (3) days maximum.

13. You sleep the whole day without any worries.

14. You spend more time with your pet unlike before. (I know Bruce is happy with this).

15. Adjusting to the whole new routine. Kinda difficult but this too shall pass.

16. You start to listen to different people about the stories that's going around about your break-up. Which I hate. They all have different versions.

17. Your mom will immediately know without telling her. I bet they ESP. :-)

18. When you go out on a weekend you feel like you don't know most of the people.

19. Or when you know someone, they'll really know why you're out. Alone.

20. You'll start paying respects to Marlboro, Vodka, Red Bulls and Red Horse.

I'll add more... if something new will come up.

Oh well, these are some of the things actually that I have noticed. And I know some of my friends noticed this as well.

As what they say... each one of us uses different ways to cope up with what happened. And I intend to stick to what I am doing right now.

HAKUNA MATATA!

I've Done 100 of the 120 stupidest things.

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 12:53:00 +0000

Stolent from Marti!

Level 1
(x) Smoked A Cigarette
(x ) Smoked A Cigar
(x ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex

SO FAR: 3

Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
(x ) Dumped someone
( ) Been Fired
( x) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 6

Level 3
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped Class -yah i did but its for the lone reason of polishing dance routines..
(x ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die - my mom (sigh... missing her so much!)

SO FAR: 10

Level 4
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Multiply Contacts
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
(x) Thrown Up From Drinking - many many times. haha.

SO FAR: 13

Level 5
(x) Eaten Sushi - i love all foods! =)
( ) Been Snowboarding
(x ) Met Someone Through Internet
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 15

Level 6
(x) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Liked/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel ---- will it count if you did it on a white sand beach?

SO FAR: 20

Level 7
( ) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone mudding - mudding? whats mudding?!
(x) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 23

Level 8
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledding
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School - haha, with all he partying? you just can't help it! zzzzz.

SO far: 27

Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
(x) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 29

Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
(x) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(x) Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 33

Level 12
(x) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
(x) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident - I was the one driving...

SO FAR: 36

Level 13
( ) Had / Have Braces
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR : 38

Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look - gotta shed all these flabs!
( ) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
(x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes - i still use it until now..

SO FAR: 41

Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like you where dying

SO FAR: 44

Level 16
(x) Cried to sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 49

Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't - i just can't help it sometimes

(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose - hahaha... its painful
(x) Kissed In The Rain - .

SO FAR: 53

Level 18
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach Or Anywhere - camping & bonding moments!!! =)

SO FAR: 57

Level 19
(x) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey - i can't believe this could happen!

SO FAR: 60

Level 20
(x) Worn Pearls

( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x)Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina" - my expression... hehehehe

( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 62

Level 22
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
(x) Kicked A Fish - haha.
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 66

Level 23
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs - .
( ) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 69

Level 24
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 72

Level 25
(x) Believed In Ghosts
(x) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
(x) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 75

Level 26
( ) Played Chicken - how do you play chicken?
(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
(x) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused - shallow me

SO FAR: 79

Level 27
( ) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later -

(x) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried - most of time
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 83

Level 28
(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name - bad in remembering them
(x) French Braided Someones Hair
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House

SO FAR: 89

Level 29
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
(x) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling - fun fun!
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 94

Level 31
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs - hahahaha.
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 98

Level 32
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
(x) Had sex in the rain
(x) Flattened someones tires
( ) Rode in a car/truck until the gas light came on
( ) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

TOTAL: 100

Repost this with the title:
I've Done 100 of the 120 stupidest things.
(with your total in that blank spot.)

From Black to Brown...

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 00:44:00 +0000

Once upon a time, there was a gay guy who all of a sudden, changed his hair color from black... to ash brown.

Question: What do you think is the reason why this gay guy changed his hair color?

a. He's bored with his life?

b. They broke up with his partner?

c. He doesn't know what to do with his small amount of money?

The first who can guess it right will have a special price from ME! :-)

Six (6) lbs lost and 29 more to go...

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:12:00 +0000

July 1, 2008 was the date I signed up with Fitness First to do something about my weight. It was a hard decision for me since I am not a health conscious person nor conscious about my weight, as what I have stated from my previous post. Nor I could imagine myself counting the calorie content before consuming those food that I have been craving thinking that it will be a torture from my end. If only not for Lexie from losing 30 lbs in like 3 months then I would never have the motivation I need to make the first step. Thanks Lexie. You made it all happen.

And in less than a month, I have lost 6 lbs already. Cutting down on my carbo intake and making sure that I don't starve myself and eating lite food every three hours. It was an effort from my end at first but after knowing that there's indeed a result, it feels great and I feel the urge to lose more. Which I know by the way that I can do it. I have set a target that by next year, I will achieve my desired weight and be able to wear trunks confidently (right Lexie?).

This time I have my mind on it and I am determined to finish this. Thanks to my partner for motivating me as well to do something about my health. And to my friends from pushing me as well and for motivating me. As what they say... Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going.

You won't be seeing much of me especially during night-outs since I've made some control measures in my alcohol intake as well. I would love to surprise you guys when you see me that I have indeed lost weight noticeably, hopefully by next year. LOL.

Surprise! Surprise!

PS. Motivate me more... Leave a message here my friends! :-)

I'm Back...

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:45:00 +0000

Lemme update you guys with what's going on in my life...

I know I haven't been paying much attention to my Multiply Account. Hell to my Friendster as well. I can't even remember the last time I have opened my Friendster... and I guess that was eons ago.

Okay, here are some of the things that are kinda new in my life right now... and most of them are just the same and going stronger. Lovelife for one is doing great. On to our 6th month. Yipee!

1. Started working out and burning some extra calories. Yes, it was a major decision for me knowing that I don't believe in going to the gym and be one of those health-conscious individuals. But gaining weight and reaching *** lbs. is crazy. And so far I have been religiously doing the things needed for me to achieve my desired weight and body structure. Hopefully I'll join the modeling and showbiz career by then. It's never too late. Bwahahahahaha... (Ultimate Goal: to-die-for-abs)

2. I have achieved my goal as well when it comes to my career. For now, I am happy with it and I'll stay focus and I don't have any plans yet to what will be the next stop. I am too young for the next level I guess and I need to learn and apply new things in the industry that I am in.

3. Night life and clubbing has been at the bottom of my priority for now. Yes, that's true. And I can say that this is new. Though I went out last Saturday but that was to spend some time with my Sups as part of our bonding session. And it was the first time I got drunk after 3 or 4 months? I am not sure even. Hehehehehe... I just realized that I can outlive it pala.

4. I will be pursuing my MBA. Aside from work, I need to divert my focus and time as well in studies. I have been planning for this for the longest time and I will be starting hopefully this coming semester. Need to add something in my portfolio. And I know this is just the right time for me to do it.

And next month i'll be celebrating my birthday and I'm going to add one digit higher in my age. I guess those changes that I have in my life are clear manifestations that I am no longer a kid. Things seem to fall in its right places at the right time. I have never felt contented and happy with my life right now. Gone are the days wherein i'll go home wasted every chance that I get away from work. Or even on a working week.

I haven't seen some of my old friends and I have to admit I miss them. But you know that you're still my friends no matter what. We may not spend much time just like before but I know when we have the chance to spend some company, it will be the same. The laughters and those old stories... See 'ya around guys okay? I hope you are all doing great.

Until then! *smooches*

P.S.

My Birthday is on August 10. Save it in your calendar now. :-)

Going Stronger... (Neglect the Previous Post...)

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Wed, 14 May 2008 11:57:00 +0000

Hey! Sorry about the previous post. Just some misunderstading with my partner and now we are back on track. It's my last day here in Zamboanga now, and I will be flying back to Cebu tomorrow morning.

The reason why I am here is to meet his family and to have a long vacation with him of course. And this whole trip did some miracles. We have spent more time together and we were able to get the rest/break that we have been wishing for the last 2 months, away from work and all.

BTW, his family is so cool and so are his friends. They have accepted me wholly and I can really feel their support and love for our relationship. Let's put it this way... I am calling his mom as "mama" and his siblings are calling me "kuya". Isn't that great?

I will be posting some of our pictures when I get back. And I will be posting some in my multiply account as well.

Toodles! :-)

All Good Things Come to an End...

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 05:41:00 +0000

Some people are destined to be happy... some are destined to be sad... some are destined to be married... some are destined to be single... and I guess i'll always end up the latter...

Hit me baby one more time!

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 21:07:00 +0000

What is it that I need to do inorder for me to feel satisfied? Some people are saying that it's human nature... people won't really feel satisfied. Am I one of them? Do I need to assert myself all the time to get what I want? Then what next? Look for something which I don't have and do everything to get it? Is this a never ending cycle? Nosebleed! This is driving me nuts!

So, if you guys are wondering why I'm ranting about this whole stuff... it's plain and simple. I sometimes don't get myself. Feeling happy now... in a few minutes I'll sulk. Feeling depressed to no apparent reason. Am I a follower of Brit Brit's guide to insanity? BIPOLAR HELLO! Sooner or later I will have to start shaving my hair. And do all those crazy stuff. I know I have friends who will remind me all the time if I am going beyond the limit. And I am greatful for that. Reality Checkers. As what I call them. Some of them will tell it to me straight how slutty I can get. Some will tell me I'm too wicked to function. Some will tell me I lure guys all the time. Partly of it is true. In Denial. No comment.

But some of them knew how I really feel. I know I have been searching and waiting for someone whom I could share with what I have right now and to what I will be having in the future. And admittedly, it's kinda difficult to find one. We evaluate their personality. What's their line of work. How much do you think they are earning. And all those checklists. I can't enumerate all of them. And as we get to learn new lessons in life, we add another item on our checklist. I know my personality is too strong. I think all the time. And it stresses me a lot. All I am asking is, to find someone who can totally dominate me. That person will decide for us. Do the thinking. Control everything. Where is he? I don't know. Used to have him, but he left me. And mind you... he was my longest. Which goes to prove that I can work well in a relationship if the partner I have is stronger than me. Personality wise.

I guess it's time for me to look for another spot. Fishing in one spot can give you the same variety of fish. I'm this *close* in moving to a different spot. But I am still hoping, the spot where I am standing right now, will give me the right one.

Stubborn me. K-Fed just left me.

Blame it on the coffee!

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 18:52:00 +0000

Date: 04 Jan 2008, 19:26
hello,im gene from banilad cebu,coffee?just txt me 0905*******,see u

I got this message in my account in a gay website. And I know some of you knows about this already. Well, his account doesn't have any pictures on it. No profile details. Which means, it's plain blank. I didn't know what came into my head wherein I decided to just go with it. I asked for his picture but it ended up he sent me the same message again. Clear enough... he's playing safe and too discreet about himself. Who cares! I'm out. And I'm not at the losing end.

So, I asked him to have coffee here in Starbucks across our office. In that case, if he won't show up, I'm still okay. Since I'm doing something at work. We decided to meet up around 2 pm. The time wherein the site just closed for the day's operation. Same thing, I asked him what he was wearing and he didn't tell me about it. Instead he asked me to what I was wearing. Okay, I gave the information to him again. I was really thinking that everything was a big joke. Until he texted me that he's inside starbs waiting for me. I crossed the street, called him up and he saw me na daw according to him. But I am still clueless how he looks like or what was he wearing. I went inside Starbs and he approached me. Wanna know how he looks like?

He's roughly around early thirties. Sporting a long hair (but no that long). Medium built. Knows how to dress well. Good looking. Moreno. Got his own exporting business. Single.

So there, we had coffee, conversation, sharing some thoughts and ideas. And then he decided that he wanted to drink. Okay... being the alcoholic me, I said yes. We went to this place in Lahug, wherein most people working in a call center hangs out to have their alcohol fix. He drank 2 bottles of san mig light and I had 4 bottles of 500ml Red Horse. I was tipsy, and he was kinda tipsy as well. On the way home... things went kinda rough. Kissing, touching and ironing (plantsa moments-ask your gay friend what's the meaning of this word). And we're there infront sa house. We parked. Continued doing what we started. Bwahahaha... Until I realized that there are people still around us. Hello?!?! That was like 8 pm??? Too early for a shag.

We decided to hit it on some motel on the way home. And everything was fast. Rush. Fast forward. And we're both exhausted. Freshen up. Went home. Kissed each other goodbye. And honestly? I don't know if I will be meeting him up again. I might just be his one-night-stand encounter. And I will have to consider him as one too. We don't know.

And I will just realize one day... if I will come across him... I would mention to a friend that he looks kinda familiar. Memory lapses. Since everything was temporary. People may say we're tired of it. But we just can't help it. We wanted to get serious. But people wanted different things. Until when... until when will I end this?

We will never know.

2008: New Life... New Me!

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 19:56:00 +0000

Happy New Year to each and everyone (assuming that I still have my old readers with me considering that I haven't made any updates on this site)!

It has been a tradition wherein someone should create their New Year's Resolution at the start of the year. But I have to admit I don't have one. But, I celebrated my holidays in a different way. Others will travel, spend their Christmas Holiday in some expensive hotel, resort or whatever. But I have chosen to go home (to my hometown) after 5 years. Yes, I have been spending my holiday seasons away from my family for the last 5 years. But 2007 was different. And I guess it's time to give my family a simple yet memorable celebration of a Christmas Eve. At least they have known me better. Like drowning myself with alcohol in front of them and trying to light a stick of cigarette one after the other. Hahahaha... And mind you, my family knows about my sexuality already. Yes, they are happy that I am GAY. Gay and beautiful. LOL! Enough about that...

The most important thing that I would like to share is the OUTREACH PROGRAM that we did last December 26, 2007. We have adopted one barangay in our hometown, gathered the kids in that area and distributed some goodies (used clothings, old toys, snacks, candies, and food). It was organized by our batch in High School. And I would like to thank my classmates (Jabez, Shugar, Sarah, Jonah, Carmel, Zion, Christine, Biboy, Lester, Ceasar, and the rest who donated for the cause) for the effort and all. That was the first we did that kind of activity actually and we are planning to do it year after year. And we can come up with more gifts to give by that time. With the help of each and everyone. Thank you in advance.

Don't get me wrong here... some of you may have known how wicked I am but by the end of the day... I'm just human... capable of feeling sad emotions and loneliness... feeling sorry for those kids that are deprived with their basic needs. And seeing them smiling and having fun with the games that we conducted, seeing them enjoying the food and sharing some to their friends... that is more than rewarding. We don't care about the UV rays that can damage our skin just to be with them. And you know for a fact how can I get so arte sometimes. But there should always be an exception. A time wherein you will have to stop thinking about yourself. Think about those less fortunate around you. And it amazes me how other people would think that their life sucks because they don't have a glamorous job. Come on... be thankful that you have a job. It provides food in the table. Stop Whining. Just be thankful.

Whew. I just can't believe I said those things. :-)

Now I can say that I am done with the stage of thinking more about myself (but of course sometimes I will have to think about myself... less). It's time to go deeper. Minimize those wordly vices (ahemmm... kakayanin ko to. Pramis!). Stop ranting on things. Learn how to share what I have got. Coz at the end of the day... receiving "thank you" messages from the people around can make you feel good and can leave a big smile on your face. It's rewarding. And I know this... since I have received a lot so far.

Ang kulang na lang... eh yung magmamahal sa akin. :-( Hahay... Hopefully this year is my year. I couldn't ask anything more from my career, friends and family. Only someone I could share what I have. But that someone is nowhere to be found. Maybe he's lost. If someone will see him, please give him the directions kung saan niya ako mahahanap. :-) Baka naligaw lang. LOL.

And also, I will be updating this site regularly. will sort to writing again as my stress reliever even if I don't have the talent at all. Just random stuff.

I LOVE YOU ALL! AND WELCOME BACK TO ME! xoxo

PS. SRs Batch '98, I am having hard time sending the pics. It's such a huge file. Tried zipping it but still it won't work. I will find a way to send them to you. For the mean time, please send me your e-mail addresses. Thanks!

XXXSTATIC WEEKEND!

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 21:33:00 +0000

XXXSTATIC? Hmmm... I will be flying to Manila tomorrow, Saturday and will be back on a Tuesday. Wondering what am I going to do there? Like duh! Read my previous post again if you want.

Like last weekend, I was with THE JOBLESS RABBIT and for this weekend, I'm going to spend it with my ECSTATIC HUNK! Oh boy I'm just wondering what's in store for me this time. Let's just hope I won't be disappointed or something. And I am staying at his place. He won't allow me to rent a hotel room or something thinking that he is not the only one I'm gonna hook up with in Manila. MAY TAMA SIYA!!! And now how can I get away from his sight to meet up with some interesting-sweet-cum-tasting creatures. Nyahahahahahaha... If only he'll drown himself with "E" and he won't notice me anymore, in the middle of the crowd, surrounded by sweaty bodies dancing to Madonna's Hits, exchanging fluids, in GOV. But I doubt.

Hmp, come what may. All I need after all is freaking good shag from a hot guy. And I am definitely getting that. I am so used to this "What Paul wants... Paul gets!" mantra. Assuming lang? So what? This is my blog. Bwahahahahahahahaha...

Vodka-Bull and Marlboro Gold? PURRFECT! Can't wait for them. ;-)

DYSFUNCTIONAL LOVE INTERESTS.

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 12:46:00 +0000

How to complicate ones love life? Plain and simple. Just get hooked to any of these guys. Isabay mo lahat. You're just there in the corner and they will start bugging you like hell. Learn from me sweeties! But the truth is, I haven't learned anything myself.

1. THE ECSTATIC HUNK - Okay, he's one of those cute/hot guys you can see in the circuit scene in Manila. Hitting those best clubs in town with gorgeous friends. He is gorgeous himself. We hit it off right ayaw. Over my break in Manila. Things got too emotional and I just realized that he was under the influence of ECSTACY! No wonder. I should have known before the night started. Double drop minimum and sometimes he can go on three. I can't imagine myself being with someone who's into recreational drugs. Damn! Maybe I can have him as my recreational toy instead. Whatcha think?

2. THE JOBLESS RABBIT - Now, this other guy I used to date before. And I can clearly remember it all started last SInulog this year. Hmmm... Those braces are irresistible and yes, we were together for quite sometime even if my friend Lexie didn't give his 100% approval. He mentioned something like the guy couldn't be trusted. And now, he's trying to get me back. But this time, he's a total scrub. No work. I even payed for his weekend grocery. I would love to think I am helping as a friend. And not his sugar Momma. Bwahahahahahaha... Tsk tsk tsk... And maybe you will wonder why RABBIT? He's harsh! *naughty*

3. THE COMMITTED DORK - Okay, try to read my previous entry and you will know exaclty why the third label. Just read thru it. And my problem with this person is that I see him 5 days a week and that is like 9 hours per day. How can someone start moving on if you can see him everyday. This is useless. Good thing he's on Vacation this week and will be back next week. I hope it will be longer than that. Ugh! How can I be so stupid. I am *this* close to being the official KULASISI. But good thing it never jumpred into the next level. We did talk and I have decided to end it all up. Yes, I did!

So there, and so far, you need these kinds of individual to complicate your life. Have them in your life almost at the same time. Start to fuck them together almost at the same time. Sometimes it amazes me how this well-experienced-gay-urban-professional be stuck in this kind of situation. STUPIDITY! Que Horror! Que Barbaridad!

How Lustful Are You?

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 15:29:00 +0000

Your Lust Quotient: 80%

http://62.193.253.108/servlet/redirect.srv/p5.p1.pnshonc.pnycvjyagan.pzml/howmuchlustdoyouhavequiz/lust-4.jpg" height="100" width="100">
You are a very lustful person - and it sometimes gets the better of you!
You know how to hold back, but you hardly ever do.

How'>http://62.193.253.108/servlet/redirect.srv/p5.p1.pbcd.pkvzsgvxdxk.pwji/howmuchlustdoyouhavequiz/">How Much Lust Do You Have?

Kabit, Kulasisi, Home Wrecker, Querido, The Other Guy, Ahas, Traydor, Etc

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 15:18:00 +0000

I plead GUILTY! I am such a slut! Isang KULASISI... (i love saying that word over and over again...)

Plain and simple. I love to complicate my life. Enter a situation that might be painful for me at the end. It's been a while actually. And something happened to us already. His partner doesn't know about this. Though he is suspecting that I am trying to steal his guy. Like yes, that is what I am doing. And this guy knows me... he even told my unofficial partner to stay away from me since I can always get what I want. Buti naman at alam niya. Na kaya kung kunin kung anuman gusto ko.

But before you guys judge me, I always have a qualifying question before I will start stealing someone else's partner. "Are you happy with your relationship now?" And clear enough this guy answered "NO". The reason why he's staying still in the relationship is that the legal partner is threatening him to commit SUICIDE if he will leave him. Drama drama drama... Go ahead and kill yourself asshole! The guy doesn't love you anymore. What a crap!

And now, it occured to me. How long will I keep this? What is my assurance? Feeling ko tuloy ako si Joanna (Maricel Soriano) sa pelikulang A LOVE STORY. Putang Ina! Nanood kami ng mga officemates ko sa movie na yan. Tawanan silang lahat habang ako eh iyak ng iyak. Natamaan po ako. Kung may mga batong lalabas sa screen ng sinehan para matamaan ang dapat matamaan eh malamang super dami ko nang bukol. I bet! At na realize ko rin ang sinabi niya dun sa movie. "Ayaw ko yung taga puno lang ng mga pagkukulang"... or something like that... Drama no? Bwahahahahaha... Itigil ang kahibangan na eto!

Tuloy, ang drama ng lola nyo eh nakikinig lang sa kanta ni Nina... "SOMEDAY".Komedi talaga ngayon buhay ko. This is not the only time na naging KULASISI po ako mga kaibigan. And ngayon, I am stopping this na. Napapagod na rin puso ko. I am moving on. HIndi niya kayang iwanan eh. Eh di manigas siya dun. Bitter ba? Bwahahahahahaha...

And now... balik sa pagiging alcoholic ang buhay ko. At mas grabe na ngayon. Sabayan nyo naman akong uminom. Nakaka depress mag-isa. Har har har... Dramz dramz dramz...

Toodles!

Manila Break Over the Weekend!

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 09:44:00 +0000

This may come as a short notice to all my friends in Manila but I will be there over the weekend.

Hopefully I could meet all of you. But I know that will be too impossible. ;-) Lemme know if you're in Makati area. Then maybe we can have some coffee.

See ya then.

917-625-PAUL

Multiply's Gone Mad!

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 21:43:00 +0000

It's been a while since I have posted any updates here in my account. And true enough, after opening it, I noticed that I have a new comment from a very good friend Marti. Now, I was thinking that comment was intended from my previous post. But it was not. It's for the latest post that "I" have made.

Now, what really happened is that... I have never created any post after my "SASHA" entry. That was just crazy. And the title of that post was "Read my Lips". The thought of that blog was nice but I can't fathom some of the sentence construction. It's really weird. I would love to think that someone gained access into my account and posted something. But I can't remember I made one. I was busy lately and swear, I have never created any entry at all.

Am I having another personality? Split personality perhaps? I don't know. I really have no idea. But I am certain... 100% certain that I never created such post.

Thanks Marti for the comment but I have deleted that entry as a whole. That was not my writing at all. I gotta change the password in my account. Just to make sure. And if another post will pop out this time, I must say it will scare the shit out of me.

Weird. Really really weird!

Sasha.

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 15:26:00 +0000

Sasha. A soon-to-be-new-member of my family here in Cebu will be moving in next week. I have been waiting since May this year for this moment to happen. And I just can't wait.

Sasha. Come home and relieve me from stress and misery. I need you more than anyone else. And I need you so that we can roam around together. Only me, you and an i-pod.

That is totally perfect for me.

Damn I can't wait!

P.S.

I will post our pictures together hopefully next week.

Blessing or Curse in Disguise?

noreply@blogger.com (Paul) — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 23:02:00 +0000

I have noticed lately that my "usual" acitivity, and that is to bring men in to my place and play cards, watch movies, talk sensibly, nahh... like who am I kidding. Of course and that is to have what we call the exchange of saliva and semen, was stopped, this brought me nuts. I could hardly remember the last time I brought someone at home. This is weird. I was really thinking that my libido again or my sex drive is in trouble.

But after contemplating with what's going on, I have reached to a conclusion and I know who to blame for this! It's the freaking AC in lexie's room.

Well, you all know for a fact that I am sharing this three-bedroom apartment near our office with Lexie, Sheryl and yours truly. Together with Yaya Ising of course, ang tanging witness and I guess mas naaalala pa niya kung sino at how do they look like nung mga guys na nadala ko. Talking about me being slut. Hey, don't judge me, aggressive lang talaga ako! Bwahahahahahaha... Lexie and I both planned na maglagay ng AC sa mga rooms namin and it turned out, na yung room niya lang ang pwedeng pag lagyan. It's because his room got this AC ready sa wall but my room doesn't have one. And this witch-like-full-of-mouth land lady of ours won't allow to destroy a part of the wall nung room ko just to accomodate the AC. So there... we have decided sa house na we are going to sleep in this one big bedroom with all our tatamis and share the AC.

After a week or two, my body started to get used to AC, after the longest time of getting used to the primitive electric fan. I can't sleep if it's not AC as in NO!.. Still, the rule sa house is that I can bring guys and do them but I need to use my own room, which by the way, doesn't have an AC. And I know how to prioritize my own self comfort. I can't trade comfort with a shag. No can do. Naging maarte lang ako. But I am proud to say na hindi na nagiging casa de puta ang bahay. Which by the way eh impressive sa part ko. Clap clap clap. Bravita!

If I have known that this is the only solution for me to cut down on my substance abuse (saliva and semen and all possible fluids you can get and exchange with), eh di sana matagal ko nang ginawa. I should have conviced Lexie since day 1 to get an AC and we can share the room together. Hahahaahahaha... Better late than never I guess.

So now, if someone will ask me during my night outs with the usual line... "your place or my place?"... then my usual answer would be... "definitely not my place... got an AC?"... and if the answer is YES! Then definitely someone's gonna get laid!

Ang saya saya!