After 12 hours of work yesterday, a colleague of mine invited me for a drink at their place. Well, most of my friends at work are going so I guess I should join the fun too. But prior to that I was talking to my care bear on the phone and I'm starting to feel like I'm getting colds. We were laughing with the way I sounded on the phone. Hehehehe... I told him that I'll take a medicine for it and have few bottles of beer (min of 5 (red horse)) after that. This care bear is so concerned that he advised me not to drink beer if i'll take a medicine... and he told me that he knew it from his... (and he paused there for a while) and I completely knew who he meant. And here I go again, feeling jealous like as if I have a right to feel that way. It's like I'm killing myself... allowing myself to feel such way but I could't help it for crying out loud!

Well, going back now to the drinking session, the venue was quite cool. It's a villa located few meters away from our office and I can really tell that poshy people lives there. One of my agents have a place there and we decided to have a small drinking session. The small turned out to be quite big. There are only 5 of us and this agent bought 10 Red Horse Grande. Everything was cool, laughing our heart out regarding work and those stuff. Then it started to rain and I was feeling a little tipsy by then. In the middle of the session, I called up my care bear 'coz I missed him. I can't stop myself from calling him, from hearing his voice and giving me this wonderful smile. I've never smiled much lately until this care bear showed up in my life. So, after a short conversation... which made me feel like a high school stud again, we did continue our drinking session. And it started to rain... (the weather is so cool... condusive for drinking) that's when I asked my agent to get me swimming shorts 'coz I wanna hit the pool. It's so inviting.

Then, there I was swimming like hell, enjoying the water and the rain at the same time. After a few laps, I decided to fix myself and head home since I still have a work early in the morning the next day. I was drunk by then and I took a cab on my way home. I even forgot to text my care bear and letting him know that I'm home safe and sound. All I did was to take off my clothes and hit the bed then that's it... ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz... and around 4 am, my care bear gave me a missed call. I called him up after that and I was talking to him feeling my head throbbing with pain due to alcohol. I had an appointment supposedly at 3 am but I cancelled it. Informed my Boss that I am sick and I'll report to work a bit late. After our sweet conversation again, we decided to hit the sack.

Woke up at about 9 AM and good thing I'm feeling better. Was planning not to work today but I wanted to spend some time with my care bear over the net and at the same time, I don't wanna stay in my room the entire day. Loneliness is killing me. Decided to take a long shower, grab a shirt and khakis then off for work. Been in the office for less than an hour when my care bear sent me a YM message. He's up already and he looked so cute wearing this sleepy face. Hehehehe... and he's munching some food from papara papap... love ko toh. Chatted for a while then his mom called him for lunch. And it's time to take my lunch too... Hehehehehe... Once again, my day is complete and full of smile.

Thanks a lot Piotr!!! ;-)

Damn, I'm late again today. I really don't know what's happening to me lately. I don't feel like going to work anymore. I guess it's all about the news that my Boss is resigning. Sigh... I just don't know until when I'll feel this kind of emotion right now. Actually, mixed emotions and I'm having a hard time compartmentalizing them. I know I'm good in hiding my feelings but lately, they're just spreading everywhere. Affecting my work, social life, everything... Arghhhhh...
I guess I have been dreaming that much also. Without knowing that dreams can make us frustrated sometimes. This person that made me feel happy lately is starting to feel awkward and at the same time, scared. I guess I was overwhelmed by happiness that made me blind and not knowing what are my boundaries. I acted too soon regarding the situation and as usual, it's all my fault. I am making my own miseries in life. I can't wait to spend my rest days this coming tuesday and wednesday. I'm sure i'll go to Bantayan Island (Nice Beaches) and spend some time there. Alone with myself of course. I need to be with myself this time and start to pick up some pieces of me. Too young for me to feel such emotion... and I really hate this.

Living a lonely life is not new to me anymore. Been doing it for the past 8 years and I'm sure I can do it still in the years to come. After all, I have friends with me that could make me feel better.

Been listening to Madonna's Crazy For You... over and over again. Hehehehehe... it makes me feel better actually. No time for some house music as of now instead, mourn with love and mushy songs.

I even forgot that I have to finish some Quality Evaluations for my agents and I still have to coach them. Twenty of them and I have to wear this happy face again so that I can motivate them to work even if I'm not motivated at all. I'm doen with the Harry Potter 6 Book already and I hate the ending. And I can't wait to read the Book 7. I need to know the conclusion already.

I guess i'll just grab some few bottles of beer later and have myself drunk again. I love the feeling being drunk... At least I can laugh... laugh at myself stumbling and walking like crazy. Yeah, i'll do that later... :-(

*Sigh*... I hate me... I hate myself... I hate the Paul in me... I hate it... I hate everything...

*Sigh*

OMG!!!

Well, I'm really pissed off with what's happening today at work. My manager just informed me that he is resigning and he's leaving us... BULLSHIT! I was having a good life in my previous company and he persuaded me to apply in this current company that I'm working right now. And now that I'm here, trying to cope up with changes and adjusting to new environment and all that shit and now he's leaving?!?! It really made my day. Until this person YM'ed me asking me how's my morning. And he was a bit hesitant to talk to me since my message handle is "I'm not in the MOOD... Don't mess up with me!!! @^&%&". But then I informed him that I'm doing fine and it's all about work. So, we started our conversation again and this guy never ceases to make me smile. He made me feel like a highschool stud having this feeling that you don't understand. It's like a code that is really hard to decipher.

But prior to that, I met him here in downelink and i sent him a message that " I want to touch his love handles"... hehehehe... and after that we started sending messages back and fourth. Until one day, I noticed his profile that he posted his YM add. I invited him and last monday he sent me a message. At first the conversation was a bit shaky since we started exchangin cocky and a-hole messages. Hehehehe... talking about pride. But eventually, we end up sharing some stuff and that really amazes us. We have some things in common.

Going back to the conversation we had earlier today, he told me that he waited for me to log-in in my YM account yesterday. Well, I guess he forgot that Tuesdays and Wednesdays is my rest day. So, there we go, I was so feisty here in the office and I end up laughing chatting with this person with the glow in my face. It's like I'm the only one here on the floor laughing my heart out and having this daydream look. We chatted for a while today and he looked so sleepy. He was awake the entire night doing some extra work and I asked him to go to bed but he refuses... I mean at the back of my head I was thinking that he'll say "no" to it since I wanted to talk to him more. To spend some time with him more. I am just soooo thankful that I met this person here... He made me feel how it is to be "kilig" again. It may sound mushy but I couldn't help it. I also like his angst look face... He loves to make faces on the cam. He is so cute that until now he's still swimming inside my head.

But then, I was thinking... why on earth do we have to live in such a distant place from each other? This really made me feel so sad... But I guess there's a reason behind that one. One thing's for sure... he is the one that inspires me and makes me feel happy. And that's what really matter. I know he's sleeping right now and I made him a testimonial earlier after our chat conversation. I'm sure he'll be surprised with it. ;-) I guess that's it for today... I'll continue this daydreaming life I have right now tomorrow... How I wish he's dreaming of me right now... *sigh*